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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28909125">Yesterday's Ashes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bravewhenfearful/pseuds/bravewhenfearful'>bravewhenfearful</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sherlock (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Angst and Feels, Asphyxiation, Canon-Typical Violence, Dark Past, Derogatory Language, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Explicit Language, F/M, Guns, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Past MorMor, Past Relationships, Sad Ending, Smoking, Temporary Character Death, Threats of Violence, resignation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:14:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,479</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28909125</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bravewhenfearful/pseuds/bravewhenfearful</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>For @ jinxreaper69<br/>on twitter</p><p>Jim fakes his death and returned to find his lover years later.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sebastian Moran/Jim Moriarty, Sebastian Moran/Original Female Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinxReaper/gifts">JinxReaper</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He left home early. Before opening the door, someone pulled him by the arm. Instead of preparing to cut someone's neck, Sebastian Moran smiled. His partner was pulling him to kiss him goodbye.</p><p>As was his custom, since he led a monotonous but happy life, he smiled into the kiss and then hugged the young woman around the waist. He smelled her blonde hair. His nose caught the usual lavender scent. The man sighed. One more symbol that he could relax without looking over his shoulder. At least for now.</p><p>He wished her a happy day and let her go  jogging down the stairs of the little house. Every day he took the same route. From his narrow house squeezed between services and fast food businesses , walking a few blocks to the subway and then getting off at his station. He walked another few blocks to his job downtown.</p><p>As he passed a dark corner, he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Sebastian was not a superstitious man, but he did trust his instincts.They had saved his life on many occasions.</p><p>Sebastian wrinkled his nose. The sixth sense he had for such things usually meant  someone was following him . He took a deep breath and continued on his way without stopping. He had taken care of everything that represented a danger to him. No pending business.</p><p>Hours later. Right after leaving work, Moran received a call from Eden.</p><p>- "Hello, darling..Please, forgive me. I must go to Aunt Lynn's house. She fell ill suddenly. It seems to be very serious. They fear for her life and I ... oh ..".</p><p>Sebastian could hear his partner's broken sob.Aunt Lynn was very close to Eden. The closest thing to a mother the woman ever had. </p><p>- "Okay, love. Calm down. I understand . They need you. Don't worry about me. Leave before dark and take care."</p><p>- "Thank you, darling..I must run to the train station. See you in a few days. I love you."</p><p>The man took 2 seconds to answer . He always had a hard time returning the phrase. Even more after Jim. It was as if it was only reserved for him.He ... who can no longer appreciate it. Who perhaps did not appreciate it in life.</p><p>- "Me too .. Take care".</p><p>Eden was smart. She knew Sebastian was still carrying the pain of a lover who had passed away years ago, even before he told her his cover story about his previous life. He changed names and circumstances. But the pain was very real.</p><p>Over the years, that pain was transformed into something that allowed him to breathe. It still hurt, but it was as if the wound in his heart was numb.</p><p>Practice. The practice of reflecting a strong facade. From appearing to be upright and strong ... so as not to collapse.</p><p>Eventually it worked and the wounds were healed.Although some left permanent scars. Eden could caress them, but not heal them. For Sebastian that was enough to keep going.</p><p>After all ... We all carry scars deep inside of us and still carry on ...</p><p>He hung up after that and hurried. This was not a coincidence. Someone had driven her  away from the home they shared. </p><p>He started walking faster ..</p><p><br/>
*</p><p>When he arrived the lights were off. He cautiously opened the door and plunged into darkness.</p><p>Someone was already waiting for him ..</p><p>He walked ..attentive to every sound. When he got to the living room he took a deep breath. Maybe he couldn't see anything but shadows, but he could use his other senses.</p><p>He knew who it was ..</p><p>He couldn't  forget the smell of his skin.</p><p>He walked a few steps until he was in front of the figure that occupied the chair. One leg crossed over the other. One hand on the arm of the seat and the other holding his chin.</p><p>They were still surrounded by darkness.  Sebastian whispered.</p><p>- "Jim ..".</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The man settled himself with both arms on the armrests of the furniture. It was a dominant position. Sebastian could guess he was angry. It was obvious from the absence of an answer. </p><p>If Moriarty wasn't joking, it was because he was about to explode. For a few seconds Sebastian's heart pounded with anger at seeing the other man in  such a smug position. He would try to  talk some reason with him.</p><p>Things were different..now ..</p><p>- "No kiss .. not a 'Hi Jim, how are you? .. Oh by the way now I'm married to a blonde with a bubble personality! ... Why is  the nature of your visit !?"</p><p>- "Lower your voice ... Jim. This is not the place or the time for this."</p><p>The taller man said calmly.</p><p>Moriarty saw red from anger. He jumped up and took the man by the tie. Even though Jim was shorter than him, the fury in his eyes was intimidating. </p><p>Sebastian remained impassive. He never imagined the possibility of seeing Jim  again. A dark pit of tar swallowed him from the moment he knew his former lover  had died . He thought that seeing him would  meant he should feel a tumult of emotions, but the reality was sadder. He only felt pain and the feeling of having been betrayed. The humiliation of having been deceived.</p><p>Although Jim always lied. To all .. All the time .. but never him. And now he came back as if nothing and worse ... annoyed that Sebastian had built a new life for himself ... with someone else.</p><p>Sebastian found himself feeling disappointed. The pain was not similar to loss ... it was a dull pain that cut deep and suddenly went numb. Leaving behind the need to keep the door to the past closed.</p><p>Maybe Sebastian still had his instincts and skills, but  did not  feel the desire to be the same man.</p><p>- "! THIS IS THE ... PERFECT MOMENT TO TALK! ... hahaha do you think I'm going to leave without knowing what the hell are you doing? .. and with that whor- ..".</p><p>Sebastian didn't let him continue. He grabbed him by the biceps and shook him a few times until he slammed him against the wall, silencing the shorter man.</p><p>- "DON'T  YOU DARE TO TALK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT! ... You came looking for Sebastian Moran..That man no longer exists..Goodbye, Jim".</p><p>Moran released him and they looked at each other for a few seconds. Jim processing the other man's words. The change was visible in his eyes. He wasn't lying to him. Sebastian had changed. He was reluctant to believe it. He shook his head in denial and said in a whisper.</p><p>-"No..".</p><p>Moriarty grabbed him by the nape and made their mouths collide in a violent kiss. For several seconds he conveyed all the frustration, anger and longing he felt for Sebastian.</p><p>Something was off ...</p><p>Sebastian didn't respond to the kiss. He was very still. Jim broke away and let him go.</p><p>Behind  blue eyes no longer lived the same man. Sebastian had really changed. He had moved on. For the first time in a long time, Jim felt remorse. He bit his lip and looked away. Sebastian spoke in a low voice.</p><p>- "Go ... I'm glad you're okay, but- ..".</p><p>Jim interrupted him. His voice also taking the low tone that emulated the situation. In the darkness of the room. In a house that was not his ... in front of a man who once loved him.</p><p>- "But .. that's it ..".</p><p>Jim closed his eyes. Sebastian nodded at his words. He no longer loved him like before.</p><p>NO!. There must be a way ... it wasn't over yet. This was not the end, the shorter man thought.</p><p>He started to walk towards the door and suddenly stopped. Sebastian was walking a few steps behind and did stop too.</p><p>Jim didn't open the door but turned around. His face reflected seriousness and sadness. The words that came out of his mouth sounded not like the mad crazy Moriarty Seb had met, but like a wounded man. A king capable of destroying his own castle and collapsed with it in order not to give in.</p><p>- "What if she wasn't here? .... If what anchors you to this life just ... disappears?".</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sebastian looked at him resignedly. Perhaps at another time he would have liked Jim to want him by his side with the same stubbornness with which he now presented himself ... unwilling to let him go. </p><p>Sebastian sighed. Jim always came and went.There was no guarantee that he would not do it again. It would just be a whim ... temporary and replaceable. He didn't want more of that. </p><p>At the beginning it was good. There were no feelings involved between the sheets. Time passed and he, who once believed himself a man free from the needs of the heart, inevitably fell into a spiral of passion, sex and blood. He became addicted to the adrenaline rush that those three things gave him.And without realizing it ... he fell in love.</p><p>When Jim died ... it was devastating. He fell to his knees. Sebastian couldn't go through something similar again. But now that he had managed to get up, Jim threatened to erase what he had managed to build. </p><p>The taller man's fingers curled slowly around the pale neck. Moriarty allowed it. He didn't move more than to tilt his head up slightly, giving Seb more access and staring him in the eyes.</p><p>Deep black and pale blue reflecting tumultuous emotions stared at each other without blinking. Neither gave. The fingers tightened around the pulse that quickened with Sebastian's closeness.</p><p>When they were a few inches apart and Jim could feel the other's breath brushing his lips, the former murderer spoke very quietly and with a resigned tone of voice that had nothing to do with the threat uttered.</p><p>- "If she dies ... I will kill you and then I will kill myself ...".</p><p>Moriarty's eyes went wide.</p><p>- "What does she got? ..".</p><p>The other's emotionless face transformed to reflect a mixture of sadness and affection.</p><p>-"I love her".</p><p>They were both surprised at the confession. Jim lowered his head and nodded. Two translucent drops fell to the carpet between them.</p><p>Sebastian released him slowly.</p><p>Jim didn't look at him. He just turned and walked out the door, closing it slowly behind him.</p><p>Sebastian leaned against the hall wall and slowly slid down to a sitting position with his legs bent and his hands dangling between them. He was breathing hard.</p><p>*</p><p><br/><em>2 months later</em> ..</p><p>Sebastian walked the streets of London. It was night. His hands shoved into the pockets of his coat. The temperature was beginning to drop.Winter was coming. </p><p>He came to a parking lot where he knew that one of the upper sections had its lights out. Nobody parked there. And there were no cameras.</p><p>Just like the nights he'd been walking home for the past week, he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.</p><p> It must end ... now.</p><p>He leaned against a column and waited. His hands on both sides of his body. One was holding a gun and the other was opening and closing nervously.</p><p>Suddenly. After a few minutes he heard distant footsteps.</p><p>When they were in the vicinity of his hiding place, he heard his voice. Clear and serious. </p><p>- "Domestic life does not suit you ..".</p><p>Moran sighed in annoyance and a small cloud of condensation formed and quickly dissipated in the air in front of him. At the same time he felt the urge to take him by force and kiss him. Was he making a mistake? He thought for a few minutes before answering.</p><p>If he followed his impulses, he would run away with him. And after that what?. Everything would be as before. Sebastian didn't want that anymore. He wanted to be more than a weapon. More than a tool. If He went with Jim ... that wouldn't change.</p><p>He swallowed saliva and closed his eyes. He rested his head on the cold surface of the column and finally answered.</p><p>- "Yes. It doesn't suit me ... but it is what I want."</p><p>He opened his eyes and to his right he could see the light of a cigarette butt. Jim was steps away from him. </p><p>If Moran wanted, he could shoot him and it would all be over. The hand holding his weapon trembled. </p><p>Sebastian shoved his hands into his pockets and started walking away.</p><p>Jim's eyes filled with tears.</p><p>He did not move.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i hope you like this fic. i dont even know if i am any good at angst but i wish i had made justice to this pairing and had conveyed with words what you imagined, @jinxreaper.<br/>💐🌺🌼</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>A week later in an abandoned building on the outskirts of town ...</em>
</p><p><br/>Jim was looking up at the ceiling. He was lying on an old mattress. He wore winter clothes that had seen better times. He was thin. It wasn't like he wanted to die. No. He wanted to live. Only life no longer presented itself to him as it used to. Everything was ... tasteless.</p><p>A tall man with curly dark hair, a mustache, beard, and heterochromic eyes lay on the adjoining bed. Jim recognized him from the moment he collapsed to rest the high from the drugs he  injected himself since he arrived days before. </p><p>Suddenly the man spoke to him.</p><p>- "What a coincidence finding you here ... Jim ..".</p><p>Moriarty laughed with no humor and sat up on the bed. </p><p>- "You realize just now ? .. I've been here for two weeks, Sherlock ..".</p><p>He had to go get something to eat. Hisnonly purpose to be there was  to get off the radar. He was clean. He did not consume. He tried once when he got there, but the memory of light blue eyes looking at him in disappointment prevented him from doing so. </p><p>He got up, but the ex-detective stopped him with a comment.</p><p>- "It's Moran, isn't it? ... Love is the greatest of disadvantages."</p><p>The taller man sighed and closed his eyes.</p><p>Jim bit his lip and closed his eyes for a second. Sherlock was snoring.</p><p>He went  to look for money in one of many hiding places. He would take some time to himself. He would seek to make himself presentable and look for a new location. </p><p>Jim thought as he walked through the garbage-strewn streets, that a cabin near the sea would be nice. He thought of Sherlock and how such an opportunity to kill him or play with him he had easily let  slip away. In another time he felt the pleasure of manipulating him. Today ... He just wanted a hot shower and a warm bed in a place that didn't smell of drugs and hopelessness.</p><p>Both he and Sherlock longed for someone they loved. The difference was that Sherlock could return to John's life. Moriarty did not have that privilege with Moran.</p><p>Maybe in a few years he would seek Jim out or maybe someone else would and it would be his end. But he wished that if at least he was going to die by someone's hands ... that someone was the man he loved.</p><p><br/>                                          THE END</p>
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